It's 1:30 am on New Years Day and Paul and I are lying in bed. He is playing a game on his I pad, it's his latest obsession; and I'm reading a book by lamplight. In some ways it seems like just about any other night, well except for the fact that it's 1 am; oh, and did I mention the eight kids upstairs?
"See, it's not so bad is it?" I ask Paul.
He gruffs in slight irritation and mumbles under his breath.
If for some reason you don't know, I volunteer with 7th grade girls on Sunday mornings, and I happen to love them all. I had six of my girls over on new years eve to spend the night and two of my three boys were home playing hide and seek in the dark and popping firecrackers all night. It was a fun and eventful party and my longing for a daughter returned.
I looked over at Paul who was dropping marshans on a clan (ok, I honestly have no idea what he's really doing, but that seams plossible) and I tell him, "I think we should have a girl". We talk about having a girl through adoption often. He agrees; he wants a daughter too, just not right now; which is totally fine because one of the main requirements to adopt from China is that you have to be 30. Bummer!
If you know me, then you know I've been a foster mom for 4 and a half years. I thoroughly advocate fostering to adopt and in fact I've done that as well. Just last July my middle son was adopted. We've contemplated going this route again; there's nothing wrong with this route. We've had Henley since he was seven days old. However, there are several reasons for not going this route again. For one, we let our liscense lapse this past year, that's not really that big of a deal though. Second, we have three active young boys and keeping up with possible frequent parent visits, permanency conferences, doctors apointments, liscenses, certifications, fad workers, case workers, and attorneys is just too much for us to deal with. Not to mention all the issues that your typical foster kids come with.
Another obvious option would be to go the domestic adoption route. It would be at least $10,000 cheaper thats for sure, and we could start the process at any time. We know several people who have done this and are currently in the process of domestic adoption. I believe in open adoption; it gives expectant moms such an amazing oppurtunity to have control over a situation that they feel they've lost control over. It gives them an option for their biological child to have an oppurtunity they otherwise might not get and in the process another deserving family gets the oppurtunity to raise a child. The stigma previously attached to adoption is dispelled because the children know both where they came from and why they are where they are. However this is not for us. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I don't want to share my child even a little bit. Plus, it would not be fair to Henley whose adoption is not open.
When considering about adoption again, my heart immediatly went to China which actually surprised me because I thought I might initially look into Ethiopia or Hati as well; but I was drawn to China. For the past 15 days I have watched every documentary I could find or order. I have 6 books I am reading on the lives of Chinese orphans, their mothers, and expatriot women creating organizations. God has pressed China in my heart so profoundly that I can do nothing except research and pray over my future daughter and her biological mother.
I called an agency today and she confirmed what I already knew, that both Paul and I do indeed need to be 30. I will be 27 come this October. So in about two and a half years we can really begin the paperwork, but it will be October of 2017 when we can send out our Dossier to China. I will blog more about the process another day. On the downside, it will take aproximatly $27,000- $32,000 to adopt and no we don't have that money just lying around. So we have the time to save. I will also be selling baby boutique items off of my business facebook page as well as Etsy soon in order to raise the funds.
As I type, I am in my future daughters room. Nu'er is the Chinese word for daughter. Three to four years seems like an awful long way away. Then again, in a month my oldest son turns six and it feels like just yesterday that I walked into a hospital saying, "hi, I think I may be in labor?".
This will be a long journey; but one we are meant to take. Nothing in life is easy. Giving birth certainly isn't. There is this Chinese theory called The Red Thread. It simply says that in this world our souls are connected to specific people and that no matter where we are, this thread binds us together and we are destined to find each other. I hope you will join us in this journey to find our sixth person. For now, please be praying for our daughters birth mother for she also has a long and arduous journey ahead of her.
"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
Matthew 25:40
